


ain't that a kick in the head

by flootzavut



Category: MASH (TV)
Genre: Humour, M/M, R&R, Sexual Relationship, Smut, Spanking, Swamp(y) Sex, queer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-22
Updated: 2019-04-22
Packaged: 2020-01-24 01:42:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18561373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flootzavut/pseuds/flootzavut
Summary: "BJ's quite obviously a recovering jock, and the strange homoeroticism of sporty men slapping one another's backsides is something he evidently hasn't grown out of yet."Hawk, BJ, and accidental uncovering of a kink.





	ain't that a kick in the head

**Author's Note:**

  * For [alleyesonthehindenburg](https://archiveofourown.org/users/alleyesonthehindenburg/gifts), [onekisstotakewithme](https://archiveofourown.org/users/onekisstotakewithme/gifts).



> Thanks for the title, alleyes 😽

* * *

_**ain't that a kick in the head** _

* * *

 

The first time it happens, Hawk blinks dumbly and hides his reaction by determinedly staring at the hook he hung his civvies on. BJ doesn't mean anything by it; he's quite obviously a recovering jock, and the strange homoeroticism of sporty men slapping one another's backsides is something he evidently hasn't grown out of yet. (Hawk wonders what sports BJ played, and whether he played any of them in short shorts and a singlet.) It isn't BJ's fault that being spanked is one of Hawk's greatest pleasures and biggest kinks; it's definitely not BJ's fault that Hawk's had a crush on him ever since 'Coleman Hawkins' and can quite easily get a stiffy even without physical contact.

So Hawk doesn't say a word. (He does excuse himself rapidly from the conversation and endeavour to go to the shower tent at different times than BJ for several days, and he does fantasise about BJ spanking him the next time he jerks off, but hey, he's only human.)

When it happens again, he's no more prepared, but fortunately it's done in passing, a 'good job' as Beej leaves the room, so Hawk gets a minute or so of privacy to press his hands against the wall and will his cock to shut the hell up.

It becomes a thing. A regular thing. A regular thing that's leaving Hawk nursing erections he has to work far too hard to hide. Beej is pretty (good God, is he pretty, and his _body_ \- Hawk is screwed), and he's _nice_ , and if he were single (and queer), Hawk would be all over him like a rash. But he isn't, so Hawk keeps his hands to himself and tries to convince his crotch that it's okay, it's fine, he absolutely doesn't want BJ Hunnicutt to push him up against the nearest flat surface, tan his behind like he's a naughty schoolboy and then-

He's really fucking screwed. Except he's not getting screwed. Which may in fact be the problem. (He starts sticking his ass out whenever BJ walks by, hoping for further contact.)

The next time he seduces a nurse into the supply shed, he finds himself thinking about BJ, wondering what he's like in bed and whether he's ever spanked anyone recreationally. So the next time a handsome guy in a soldier suit gives Hawk _that_ look, he decides desperate times call for desperate measures, throws caution to the wind, and flirts his way into an extremely unwise and not very discreet tryst behind Rosie's bar.

None of it helps.

When they score R&R together, Hawk's half-delighted and half-despairing. Yes, he absolutely wants to spend time with BJ that isn't punctuated with choppers and blood. Yes, he very much wants to introduce BJ to the delights of Tokyo. Yes, he is excited to see BJ primped up and happy and rested, not sleep deprived and miserable. (No, he cannot _wait_ to catch a few more glimpses of what BJ looks like with no clothes on.) But it all seems like it's going to require a degree of self-control Hawk's not sure he even possessed in the first place, and if they end up at a hot spring somewhere and BJ smiles at him too hard, Hawk isn't going to be able to resist the temptation to slip his hand into BJ's shorts. And happily married, decidedly straight BJ is unlikely to find that amusing.

There's yet another wave of wounded the day they're due to leave. (The army does like to get extra bloody before a ceasefire.) BJ gives Hawk's ass a particularly hearty slap after Hawk completes a rather tricky bowel resection, and Hawk is _this close_ to telling BJ to go alone, he's gonna spend his R&R asleep in the Swamp.

But... he doesn't want to. Blue balls aside, he likes BJ very much, and genuinely wants to spend time with him. (Hawk never did have great self-preservation instincts.)

The journey is uneventful and pleasantly boozy, and when they reach Tokyo and the warm embrace of a seedy but friendly back street hotel, Hawk's a lot more relaxed about the whole thing right up until BJ thwaps his buttock as a 'get a move on' gesture.

If Hawk had the slightest sense, he would've booked two rooms, but he was obviously suffering from a slight stroke, or at least that's the best explanation for why he decided sharing living quarters with BJ away from prying eyes and Frank Burns wouldn't be a problem. It's late by the time they get in; Hawk wants to roll into one of the beds and fall asleep, but he also dearly wants BJ to roll in with him.

Exhaustion does have its upsides, though; they undress in comfortable silence and sleep for twelve solid hours.

Hawk thought he'd show BJ all the major parts of Tokyo he needs to know about (okay, all Hawk's favourite watering holes) on their first day, but they're barely into their second stop when Beej puts a hand on Hawk's ass and leaves it there to guide him to a seat, and Hawk honestly doesn't know how much more he can take. Even a martini made with actual gin and drier than a temperance meeting doesn't take the edge off.

Then he tells a joke while they're standing at the bar in establishment number three, and BJ slaps his backside yet again, and Hawk snaps.

He downs his drink and drags BJ out onto the street, then into an alleyway that's reasonably deserted.

"You... you need to..." Shit. How does he tell BJ that he needs to stop slapping Hawk's butt without explaining why? "I need..."

"Hawk, are you all right?"

Hawk lets out a whine even he knows is pathetic. This conversation is going to be awkward no matter what, but he doesn't need potential spectators. He grabs BJ's elbow, ignores his protests, and hustles him back to their hotel and their room.

"What the hell, Hawkeye?" BJ asks when they get there.

Hawk takes a deep breath.

Okay. Maybe he can make out it's just a thing, just an involuntary kink, it's nothing personal, it doesn't _mean_ anything, he just has a tender behind... "You need to stop slapping my ass," he blurts. It's... embarrassing. He keeps behaving like an awkward teenager. "I mean, I have a- I'm kind of... sensitive..."

BJ eyes him. "Did I hurt you? I'm sorry."

"No, not at all!" It's only after his denial spills out that Hawk realises he just missed the perfect white lie. "Uh, I mean. I have a... thing. About my butt."

"Oh," says Beej, stepping closer.

"And it's just... it makes things a little awkward... if you know what I mean... so if you keep..."

There's a long pause, and BJ takes another step toward Hawk. "Because you like it?" he asks, in a low voice.

Heat rushes to Hawk's face. "No, I-"

"It's okay if you do."

Hawk gulps.

"Turn around."

Where did BJ find that commanding tone and why has Hawk never heard it before? He can no more disobey than he could fly out the window.

Beej comes closer still, and Hawk doesn't even have time to ask what's happening before BJ's hand makes contact with his buttock again, and none too gently. He lets out a noise even the most innocent, clueless, inexperienced person in the entire world would know was pure arousal.

"There are three things you should know," BJ says, with that same quiet authority. "Firstly, I don't kiss or sleep with anyone besides my wife unless I've gotten her permission. Second, if you want me to, I'll go send her a telegram the moment we're done here."

Hawk gulps. Is Beej implying what Hawk thinks he's implying? Well. Not implying. More like spelling out. In large, brightly coloured letters.

"And third," BJ whispers, as he moves flush with Hawk, his body warm and hard ( _hard_ ) against Hawk's back, "Peg already agreed I can spank you as much as I want-" he leans close to speak directly in Hawk's ear "-but if you come before I'm finished with you, I'll punish you the rest of the week."

Hawk shivers. "Okay. Yeah." He's not sure what alternate universe he stumbled into, but he's going to enjoy it to the full just in case reality reasserts itself.

Hawk lets himself be lead to the bed and tugged down down across BJ's knees. BJ runs a hand lightly over his buttocks and makes a low sound of approval. "Beautiful. You okay?"

The only response Hawk can muster is an incoherent plea and a wriggle of his ass. BJ laughs aloud.

The first blow lands like a blessing, and Hawk doesn't bother to stifle his moan. "Beej?" he manages.

"Mmhm?"

"I'll pay for the damn telegram."

BJ laughs, tangles his other hand affectionately into Hawk's hair, and tugs at the same time as slapping Hawk again. R&R has never been this good before, not even when Hawk had a beautiful girl walking up and down his back; he absolutely cannot believe his luck.

_~ fin ~_


End file.
